How Do Codas Know They Need Help?

By Joy Plote, Coda Counselor | The Space Between

A Journey of Recognition and Healing

Recently, I was asked a question that stayed with me:

How do Codas (Children of Deaf Adults) know they need help?

I posed the same question to my brother (also a coda). His response?

He laughed and said: “Are they breathing? They’re Codas; of course, they need help.”

While his words were delivered with laughter, the sentiment feels viscerally true. Codas often carry unseen burdens, and as I thought of all the Codas I grew up with and know, I think his comment came closer to the truth than either of us initially realized.

Growing up as a Coda means navigating a delicate balance between two vastly different worlds—one often viewed as the oppressor, the other as the oppressed. This complex identity forms early in childhood, where Codas are thrust into roles far beyond their developmental capacity: language broker, advocate, cultural mediator.

This is where trauma often begins. Trauma happens when children are exposed to experiences they are not yet equipped to handle, overwhelming their ability to cope. For Codas, this can manifest as patterns of hyper-responsibility, emotional labor, and unresolved stress. Yet, these struggles often go unnoticed—not just by others, but by Codas themselves.

This realization has profoundly shaped my career in mental health. My goal is to help Codas and others evaluate their experiences, recognize when they need help, and identify the kind of support that can truly make a difference. This cycle needs to end.

Recognizing the Symptoms of Trauma

A key part of this journey involves providing tools that can help Codas identify their struggles. For many, the challenges they face feel so ingrained that they go unnoticed or are normalized as “just part of life.” Tools like the Modified Everyday Discrimination Scale (EDS), the Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) questionnaire, and the PTSD Checklist for DSM-5 (PCL-5)—can bridge the gap between hidden struggles and actionable support.

When used effectively, these tools help Codas and professionals:

• Recognize the symptoms of trauma and its lasting impact.

• Understand how intergenerational trauma, including Language Deprivation Syndrome (LDS), affects both Deaf parents and their hearing children.

• Evaluate the toll of being a cultural and linguistic mediator, often from a very young age.

• Acknowledge the emotional, psychological, and identity-related struggles that Codas face daily.

• Contribute to the overall understanding of the Coda experience.

By tailoring these tools to the unique experiences of Codas and providing them in ASL, my goal is to create a space where Codas and Deaf individuals feel validated and understood.

Why Codas May Not Recognize Their Need for Help

One of the most significant challenges in supporting Codas is helping them realize they need help in the first place. Many Codas grow up in environments where emotional labor and mediation are expected. They internalize these boundary-blurring roles as “normal” and often fail to recognize the legacy burdens they carry from their parents or the symptoms of trauma they also might share.

This is further compounded by societal assumptions that Codas, as hearing individuals, are unaffected by the systemic barriers faced by the Deaf community.

However, nothing could be further from the truth. Codas often inherit the struggles of their Deaf parents, whether through economic hardship, discrimination, or the unrelenting responsibility of filling the gap. These legacy burdens leave many Codas feeling isolated and unsupported and now it is time to mind the gap.

Creating a Path Toward Healing

The assessment tools mentioned earlier serve as starting points for understanding the depth of the Coda experience. But they are just the beginning. My work extends beyond assessment tools to include educational content, workshops, and therapeutic frameworks that empower Codas to name their struggles and take steps toward healing.

For instance, my work on intergenerational trauma and legacy burdens aims to provide Codas, Deaf parents, and Hearing parents of Deaf children with a safe space to explore how trauma is passed down through generations and how it shapes their identity. These workshops also help reframe Language Deprivation Syndrome (LDS) as an intergenerational issue, acknowledging how Codas are affected by the lack of accessible communication within their families.

Closing the Gap

The question of how Codas know they need help is deeply personal to me. It’s why I’ve dedicated so much of my professional life to creating culturally relevant tools and resources. Codas may not always recognize their need for support right away, but by providing accessible assessments, education, and resources, I aim to make it easier to start somewhere and take that first step.

My brother may have laughed when he said what he said. But his words carry a deeper truth. Codas are resilient, and they are also human. They deserve the space to acknowledge their struggles, heal from trauma, and thrive—not just as cultural bridges but as whole, supported individuals.

Next Steps and Resources

If you’re a Coda, a Deaf parent, the parent of a Deaf child, a professional working with Codas, or simply someone interested in learning more, stay tuned for links to videos, resources, and workshops. These tools, including the Modified EDS, ACE, PCL-5, and trauma indicators in ASL, are part of an ongoing effort to close the gap in support for Codas and the Deaf community. Together, we can build a future where Codas feel seen, heard, and empowered to heal.