Healing from Gaslighting: Key Steps for Recovery

By Joy Plote, Coda Counselor | The Space Between

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where the perpetrator seeks to make the victim doubt their perceptions, memories, and sanity. Whether experienced in personal relationships, at work, or within the family, it can leave deep emotional scars. Healing from gaslighting is essential to reclaim your sense of self and regain control over your life. Here’s how to recognize, understand, and recover from the impact of gaslighting, with actionable steps for healing.

Acknowledge and Validate Your Experience

The first step in healing from gaslighting is acknowledging that you’ve been manipulated. Recognizing that the behaviors you experienced were not your fault is crucial. This realization helps to shift the blame away from yourself and place it where it belongs – on the gaslighter. Understanding that you have been subjected to gaslighting allows you to start seeing the truth of your experiences and begin the process of reclaiming your reality.

Seek Support

Reaching out to trusted friends, family, or professionals is vital for emotional support and gaining a different perspective on your experiences. Sharing your story with people who care about you can help reinforce the reality of what you went through. A supportive network can offer comfort, validation, and practical advice, making you feel less isolated and more empowered to take the next steps in your healing journey.

Professional help, such as therapy or counseling, is also crucial in recovering from gaslighting. Mental health professionals can provide you with strategies to cope with the trauma and rebuild your self-esteem. They can help you understand the dynamics of gaslighting, process your emotions, and develop healthier relationships in the future.

Establish Boundaries

Setting clear boundaries is essential for protecting yourself from further manipulation. Recognizing that gaslighting involves consistent violations of your boundaries, it’s important to reassert control over your space, mind, and heart. This might involve cutting off contact with the gaslighter or simply insisting on being treated with respect. It’s a necessary step in rebuilding your autonomy and well-being.

Rebuild Self-Esteem and Trust

Healing from gaslighting means rebuilding your self-worth. Engage in activities that help you feel competent and positive about yourself. Practice self-compassion, and begin to trust your own perceptions again. It’s important to surround yourself with people who respect your boundaries and validate your feelings, as this will help restore your faith in relationships and your ability to trust others.

Educate Yourself About Gaslighting and Psychological Abuse

Understanding the mechanisms of gaslighting and psychological abuse can empower you. Educating yourself about the tactics used by gaslighters helps clarify your experiences and provides validation. Knowing that you are not alone in your experience can be incredibly validating and empowering. Joining support groups or reading about others’ stories can provide comfort and solidarity, helping you feel less isolated and more hopeful about your recovery.

Develop Healthy Relationships

Building relationships with those who respect your boundaries and values is crucial for long-term recovery. Healthy relationships are based on mutual respect, trust, and open communication. Surrounding yourself with supportive people can help you rebuild trust and confidence in relationships, which is key for long-term emotional well-being.

Practice Self-Care

Self-care is fundamental to the recovery process. Prioritizing your physical, emotional, and mental health helps you rebuild resilience and balance. Whether through exercise, journaling, creative activities, or therapy, consistent self-care supports your healing journey and helps prevent burnout.

Gaslighting the Self

Sometimes, gaslighting can come from within — you may start questioning your own perceptions, memories, or self-worth. This internalized form of self-doubt can be incredibly damaging. It’s important to recognize when you’re engaging in self-gaslighting and to challenge those thoughts. Reconnect with the part of yourself that knows the truth, and practice self-compassion and validation. Your feelings and experiences are valid, and reclaiming your sense of reality begins with trusting yourself again.

Examples of Gaslighting

Gaslighting can be subtle and insidious. Here are a few examples:

• A romantic partner insists you’re imagining things when you notice signs of infidelity.

• A colleague denies ever receiving an email or instruction from you, causing you to doubt your professionalism.

• A parent repeatedly tells their child they are too sensitive or misremembering events, undermining their sense of reality.

Healing from gaslighting is an ongoing process, but with time, support, and self-compassion, you can reclaim your confidence, rebuild your self-esteem, and reassert control over your life. Start by acknowledging your experiences, setting healthy boundaries, and prioritizing self-care. Trust that recovery is within your reach.