Internal Family Systems (IFS): Understanding and Healing Your Inner Parts

By Joy Plote, Coda Counselor | The Space Between

Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a transformational therapy model developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz that views the mind as a system of different “parts” that interact within us, much like members of a family. Instead of seeing ourselves as a single, unified self, IFS helps us understand that we are made up of multiple parts—each with its own thoughts, feelings, and motivations.

The goal of IFS therapy is to help individuals heal by getting to know their internal parts, reducing inner conflict, and allowing the core “Self” to lead.

The Core Concepts of IFS

1. The Self: The True You

At the center of IFS is the belief that everyone has a “Self” that is inherently calm, compassionate, and capable of healing. The Self is not a “part” but rather the core of who we are.

When the Self is leading, we experience:

• Calmness instead of reactivity

• Confidence in our choices

• Compassion toward ourselves and others

• Clarity about our emotions and needs

However, when parts take over, the Self may feel buried beneath emotional turmoil. The goal of IFS is to restore the Self’s leadership by understanding and working with our internal parts.

2. The Three Types of Parts in IFS

IFS identifies three main types of parts that shape our inner world:

A. Exiles (Wounded Parts)

• These are younger, vulnerable parts that hold deep emotional wounds, trauma, or painful memories.

• Often carry shame, fear, sadness, rejection, or grief.

• They may be pushed away by other parts to prevent pain from resurfacing.

Example of an Exile:

• A childhood part that felt abandoned or neglected may hold deep loneliness and fear of being unwanted.

B. Protectors (Managers & Firefighters)

Protectors are defensive parts that try to keep us safe from the pain of exiled parts.

• Managers:

  • Work proactively to prevent pain from surfacing.

  • Tend to be perfectionistic, controlling, or critical to maintain stability.

  • Keep emotions in check by setting high expectations or avoiding vulnerability.

  Example:

  • A part that makes you overwork and strive for perfection may be trying to avoid feelings of failure.

• Firefighters:

  • Act reactively when an exile’s pain is triggered.

  • Engage in impulsive coping mechanisms to numb distress (e.g., substance use, emotional eating, avoidance, or anger outbursts).

  Example:

  • A part that turns to alcohol or binge-watching TV to escape deep sadness.

Managers and Firefighters mean well, but their strategies often create internal conflict, self-sabotage, or emotional disconnection.

How IFS Therapy Works

The goal of IFS therapy is to create harmony within the internal system by:

1. Identifying and Understanding Parts

• Instead of rejecting emotions or negative thoughts, we get curious about them.

• We ask: “What does this part want? What is it afraid of?”

2. Building a Relationship with Each Part

• Instead of fighting against anxiety, anger, or self-criticism, we listen to what those parts need.

• Parts are often trying to protect us in their own way, even if their methods are harmful.

3. Unburdening the Exiles

• Once protectors trust the Self, they allow access to exiled parts.

• We help exiles release old pain and unburden limiting beliefs so they no longer hold us back.

4. Restoring the Self as the Leader

• As we heal, the Self regains leadership over the system.

• Instead of reacting impulsively, we begin responding with clarity, compassion, and confidence.

Common IFS Questions and Misconceptions

“Does this mean I have multiple personalities?”

No. IFS does not suggest that people with “parts” have a disorder like Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). Instead, it views everyone as having a system of parts that naturally develop through life experiences.

“If a part is self-critical, does that mean it’s bad?”

No. Even the harshest parts have positive intentions—usually protecting us from deeper pain. Instead of suppressing them, we learn to understand and work with them.

“How do I know if I’m acting from a part or from my Self?”

Self-energy is marked by the 8 Cs:

• Calmness

• Clarity

• Curiosity

• Compassion

• Confidence

• Courage

• Connectedness

• Creativity

When a protector part takes over, we often feel defensive, anxious, avoidant, or overwhelmed.

Examples of IFS in Action

1. Healing Self-Criticism

A person has an inner critic that constantly says, “You’re not good enough.”

IFS Approach:

• Instead of fighting the critic, we get curious: “What is this part afraid of?”

• The critic reveals that it is trying to prevent failure and rejection.

• With Self-led compassion, the person unburdens their exile’s fear of failure, allowing the critic to take on a more balanced, encouraging role.

2. Overcoming Procrastination

A person keeps procrastinating on work even though they want to succeed.

IFS Approach:

• They realize a manager part is trying to avoid the fear of failure.

• Instead of forcing productivity, they reassure the manager that failure does not define them.

• As trust is built, the part lets go of its rigid control, and work becomes less stressful.

IFS and Trauma Healing

IFS is widely used for trauma therapy because it helps survivors:

• Safely access painful memories without re-experiencing them.

• Unburden shame and fear from past experiences.

• Rebuild internal trust and safety by healing wounded exiles.

Instead of retraumatization, IFS empowers the Self to become a compassionate guide for all parts.

Final Thoughts

Internal Family Systems therapy offers a powerful path to self-healing by helping us: – Recognize that all parts of us are valuable. – Stop fighting against ourselves and start listening. – Reduce self-sabotage, fear, and emotional avoidance. – Cultivate Self-leadership, confidence, and inner peace.

By learning to befriend, rather than battle, our internal parts, we create lasting emotional balance and deeper self-awareness.