Taking the Wheel: Understanding Locus of Control in Healing and Growth

By Joy Plote, Coda Counselor | The Space Between

What do you believe drives the course of your life? Is it your effort and decisions — or is it luck, fate, or what others do to you? This belief is called locus of control, and it has a powerful impact on how we heal, grow, and show up in the world.

So, what is Locus of Control?

Locus of control is a psychological concept that explains where we place the power in our lives. There are two main types:

• Internal Locus of Control: You believe your choices, effort, and actions influence outcomes. You feel a sense of personal responsibility and agency.

• External Locus of Control: You believe outside forces — such as luck, other people, or systemic factors — shape your outcomes. You may feel like life “happens to you.”

Most of us hold a mix of both, depending on the situation. But knowing your default setting — and where it came from — is key to personal growth.

Why It Matters in Trauma and Identity Work

If you’ve experienced trauma, oppression, or chronic stress, you might lean toward an external locus. This isn’t weakness — it’s adaptive. When we’ve been hurt, especially repeatedly, it can feel safer to assume we don’t have control. It becomes a protective belief: “If I don’t expect control, I won’t be disappointed or hurt again.”

But over time, this can lead to helplessness, hopelessness, or numbness. We stop trying because it doesn’t feel like anything we do matters.

Healing involves slowly reclaiming the areas where you do have power — one choice at a time.

Codas, Deaf Families, and Locus of Control

In Deaf or signing families, especially where language access was limited, the locus of control can get complicated. Children of Deaf Adults (Codas) may have been burdened early with responsibilities they didn’t choose — language brokering, protecting, navigating the hearing world. That can create a confusing internal message: “I have control over too much — and also not enough.”

For Deaf individuals who faced language deprivation or systemic barriers, it may have felt like the world was rigged against them. Repeated experiences of being left out, misunderstood, or dismissed can shape a deeply external locus of control.

Reclaiming the Wheel

Shifting toward a healthier locus of control doesn’t mean denying the systems or barriers that exist. It means locating your power within them.

You can start by asking:

• Where in my life do I feel powerless?

• Is there one small area where I can make a choice today?

• Have I been taught that I can’t influence something — and is that still true?

• What are the real external barriers — and what support do I need to face them?

Therapeutic approaches like EMDR, IFS, ACT, and DBT can help rewire these beliefs gently. It’s not about blame — it’s about choice.

Final Thoughts

Understanding your locus of control is a step toward agency, healing, and freedom. Whether you’re Deaf, a Coda, or someone carrying invisible trauma, you deserve the chance to take back the wheel of your life — even if just for one mile today.