The Silent Scars of Small “t” Traumas: Understanding Their Impact and Path to Healing

By Joy Plote, Coda Counselor | The Space Between

When we think of trauma, our minds often go to dramatic, life-altering events—the “big T” traumas like natural disasters, abuse, or violence. Yet, there’s another kind of trauma that often flies under the radar but can leave equally deep emotional scars: the small “t” traumas. These are the subtle, repeated experiences that shape our emotional world, often arising from childhood and carrying their effects into adulthood.

What Are Small “t” Traumas?

Small “t” traumas are not about one catastrophic event but a series of smaller, consistent emotional wounds. They could stem from growing up in a home where emotional needs were unmet, facing constant criticism, or enduring an unpredictable environment. While less obvious than their “big T” counterparts, these traumas shape how we see ourselves, others, and the world.

Below are ten of the common symptoms of childhood trauma expressed as small “t” traumas, with real-world examples to illuminate their impact.

1. Change in Priorities: Safety Over Connection

Growing up in an unsafe environment teaches us to prioritize survival over relationships. This hyper-focus on safety may lead to excessive caution, emotional withdrawal, and difficulty forming deep bonds.

Example: Avoiding vulnerability in relationships, fearing it will lead to hurt or betrayal.

2. Fear of Getting Hurt: Avoiding Emotional Risks

Painful past experiences can make us avoid anything that might lead to emotional discomfort. We build walls instead of bridges, isolating ourselves for fear of being hurt again.

Example: Refusing to open up to a romantic partner, even after years together, out of fear of rejection.

3. Fear of Change: Paralyzed by the Unknown

For those who grew up with chaos, change often meant danger. This fear can prevent us from pursuing opportunities, keeping us stuck in situations that feel “safe” but unfulfilling.

Example: Staying in a dead-end job because the thought of starting somewhere new is too overwhelming.

4. Fear of the Unknown: The Comfort of Familiar Pain

Many trauma survivors choose the devil they know over the uncertainty of something better. Even unhealthy or abusive relationships can feel less intimidating than venturing into the unknown.

Example: Remaining in a toxic friendship because “at least I know what to expect.”

5. Fear of Failure: Perfectionism as Protection

In childhood, failure may have been met with punishment or ridicule. As adults, this fear of failure manifests as avoidance or perfectionism, hindering personal growth.

Example: Procrastinating on a creative project for fear that it won’t be good enough.

6. Fear of Success: Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop

When good things happen, we may feel uneasy because success feels foreign. The fear that it won’t last—or that something worse will follow—keeps us from embracing joy.

Example: Turning down a promotion because it feels “too good to be true.”

7. A Critical and Negative Mindset

Small “t” traumas teach us to anticipate the worst. This mindset, while protective, robs us of the ability to enjoy the present or trust others.

Example: Assuming a compliment is insincere or hiding ulterior motives.

8. Anxiety and Overthinking

Living in an environment of constant stress trains our brains to be hypervigilant. Even when the danger is gone, our nervous system remains on high alert.

Example: Overanalyzing every interaction at work, convinced you’ve said or done something wrong.

9. Shame and Self-Criticism

When caregivers criticize or dismiss a child’s feelings, the child internalizes those messages as truth. This leads to harsh self-judgment and an inability to celebrate personal achievements.

Example: Downplaying your accomplishments because you believe you’re “not good enough.”

10. Numbing and Avoidance

To cope with overwhelming emotions, we may learn to avoid them altogether. This can manifest as emotional detachment, substance use, or over-reliance on distractions.

Example: Binge-watching TV or scrolling social media to avoid confronting difficult feelings.

The Ripple Effect: How Small “t” Traumas Shape Relationships

These symptoms don’t just impact the individual—they ripple into their relationships, career, and overall quality of life. Fear of abandonment, trust issues, and distorted views of love often make it challenging to form healthy connections.

For example:

• People-Pleasing: Seeking approval at the expense of personal boundaries.

• Jealousy Issues: Feeling threatened when loved ones interact with others.

• Boundary Issues: Struggling to say “no,” leading to resentment and burnout.

Healing From Small “t” Traumas

The good news? Healing is possible. While the scars of small “t” traumas run deep, they are not permanent. Here are some steps toward recovery:

1. Recognize Patterns: Acknowledge the symptoms and behaviors that stem from childhood trauma.

2. Seek Support: Trauma-informed therapy, such as EMDR or Internal Family Systems (IFS), can help reprocess painful memories and build healthier coping mechanisms.

3. Practice Self-Compassion: Replace self-criticism with kindness. Remember, your responses were survival mechanisms.

4. Set Boundaries: Learn to say “no” without guilt and establish healthy limits in relationships.

5. Challenge Negative Beliefs: Reframe distorted thinking with the help of a therapist or trusted support system.

Moving Forward

Small “t” traumas may not make the headlines, but their impact is profound. By shedding light on these subtle wounds and taking steps toward healing, we can break free from the cycles of pain and reclaim our lives.

It’s never too late to rewrite the narrative of your past. You deserve a life filled with connection, joy, and self-acceptance.

What’s one small step you can take today toward healing?

Let’s start the conversation—because healing begins with understanding.

If you found this post helpful, share it with someone who might benefit. Healing is a journey, and no one has to walk it alone.