Understanding Dialectics: Embracing Opposing Truths for Growth

By Joy Plote, Coda Counselor | The Space Between

Dialectics is a way of thinking that embraces contradictions and acknowledges that two opposing ideas can both be true at the same time. Rather than viewing things in black-and-white terms, dialectical thinking helps us hold multiple perspectives, accept complexity, and find balance in difficult situations.

Dialectics is a core concept in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and is especially useful for people who struggle with emotional regulation, rigid thinking, or interpersonal conflict. By applying dialectical thinking, we can become more flexible, open-minded, and effective in handling life’s challenges.

What Is Dialectical Thinking?

Dialectics challenges the idea that we must choose one side or the other and instead encourages us to integrate seemingly opposite ideas.

Examples of Dialectical Thinking:

• “I am doing my best and I need to do better.”

• “I love this person and I need to set boundaries with them.”

• “I am strong and I need support from others.”

• “This situation is really difficult and I can get through it.”

Instead of either/or thinking, dialectics promotes both/and thinking.

Why Dialectics Matters

Rigid thinking can create emotional distress, conflict, and resistance to change.

Dialectical thinking allows for:

• Greater flexibility: Recognizing that multiple perspectives can be valid.

• Improved relationships: Reducing black-and-white judgments about people and situations.

• Emotional balance: Learning to hold both acceptance and change at the same time.

• Better decision-making: Seeing the complexity of a situation rather than reacting impulsively.

How Dialectics Shows Up in Everyday Life

1. Balancing Acceptance and Change

One of the core dialectical dilemmas is the need to accept things as they are while also working to improve them.

• “I accept myself as I am and I want to grow.”

• “This situation is unfair and I can learn from it.”

In DBT, this is the foundation of radical acceptance—fully acknowledging reality without giving up on change.

2. Managing Relationships and Boundaries

Dialectics helps us avoid all-or-nothing thinking in relationships.

• “I care about you and I need space right now.”

• “I understand your perspective and I see things differently.”

• “You hurt me and I know you did not intend to.”

This approach prevents unnecessary conflicts by validating multiple perspectives.

3. Handling Emotional Opposites

Life often presents situations where we feel two opposite emotions at the same time. Dialectics allows us to sit with emotional complexity instead of rejecting one feeling in favor of another.

• “I feel anxious and I am excited about this opportunity.”

• “I am angry at them and I still love them.”

• “I feel overwhelmed and I know I can handle this.”

Instead of dismissing one emotion, we make space for both.

How to Practice Dialectical Thinking

1. Recognize When You’re Thinking in Extremes

Notice when your thoughts fall into black-and-white thinking, such as:

• “This is a total disaster.”

• “They are completely wrong.”

• “I am either successful or a failure.”

Challenge yourself to find the middle ground by asking:

• “Could both perspectives be partially true?”

• “Is there another way to see this?”

2. Use “And” Instead of “But”

Instead of saying:

• “I am struggling, but I need to get over it.”

Try:

• “I am struggling, and I am working on it.”

Using “and” acknowledges both realities without invalidating either one.

3. Embrace Uncertainty and Complexity

Life is rarely simple. Accepting ambiguity can reduce stress and resistance to change.

• Instead of thinking, “I must be 100% sure before making a decision,”

• Try, “I can make the best decision with the information I have now.”

4. Validate Multiple Perspectives

When in conflict, try seeing the situation from another person’s point of view.

• “I see why they are upset and I know my feelings are valid too.”

• “Their actions make sense from their perspective and I still feel hurt by them.”

This reduces defensiveness and creates space for constructive dialogue.

Final Thoughts

Dialectical thinking helps us navigate the messy, complex nature of life. It allows us to hold acceptance and change, logic and emotion, personal needs and relationships—without feeling like we have to choose one over the other.

By embracing dialectics, we reduce suffering, build stronger relationships, and make wiser decisions. The key is to stay open, curious, and willing to hold multiple truths at the same time.